Donations for Sanchez Foster Care and Adoption

COME ON OVER TO MY VIDEO BLOG ON YOUTUBE! IT'S UP TO DATE AND EXPLAINS HOW WE DECIDED TO BECOME FOSTER/ADOPTIVE PARENTS! use this link: http://www.youtube.com/user/JourneyToParenthood

Prepare a Place

I haven't had much time to blog but I wanted to share a painting I made shortly after my first blog on infertility. The photo of it was taken on my cell phone, but I hope to take a better picture of it and repost it sometime in the future. It is called "Prepare a Place".


 God told me to prepare a place for our future child like he prepared a place for us before we came into existence. You can see the trees in the back are full of new life. Their branches contain nests and babies inside  them, while our tree looks empty. There is a hope and promise though. Gods light is shining on it and we have prepared our nest waiting to be filled with God's promise for us. 

"Fun Stuff"

Josue and I went to our appointment at Arizona Reproductive Medicine Specialist yesterday morning. It was very strange being there but Josue and I were both pretty relaxed while we filled out some paper work ( in addition to the 23 page New Patient Form I already faxed in) and just hanging out waiting to be called back for our consultation. At one point I began to feel sad, but not for myself. The sadness was for a women sitting near the corner of the room by herself. She looked nervous and distressed. Finally, her husband walked in the door. Within a few minutes she had begun to cry. I over heard her say, "If they haven't called us back yet then the results aren't good." I started praying for her. I wanted to go over to her to say that everything was gonna be ok, but I didn't know if that would be the truth. What was worse, it was so uncomfortably quiet in that waiting room that I felt like I would be a loud ringing cymbal if I even spoke in a normal voice. The room suddenly felt solemn. I didn't know what her and her husband's exact situation was or what test results they were waiting for where, but I felt God tell me I need to be praying for these couples coming in. Most of them have been on a much longer journey of infertility than we have.

Finally it was our turn. Doctor Moffitt introduced himself and showed us to his office. We sat down and reviewed some of the information on our new patient form. He asked me about my past health problems like my hyperthyroidism. I was just waiting for that question to come up! I know I should be singing and shouting that God healed me from my over active thyroid, but it still makes me feel a little uncomfortable when doctors ask me what I did to get my thyroid problems into "remission." I know what most of them are thinking. "Oh great she is "Believing" that God healed her. Lucky me, I am dealing with a cuckoo! She is going to have a thyroid storm( look it up!) right her in my office." 

Despite my fear, I told him the truth. I nervously told him, "It may sound weird but I believed for healing and prayed and God healed me." PHEW that part was over with. He didn't seem totally weirded out and he said, "Oh that's good!" He then reviewed my lab work I had done from my naturopath. I showed the Doctor where it showed my low progesterone levels of 1.6 and that I was on natural progesterone cream to help it. I told him that I had the blood drawn shortly before my new cycle began. He believes that I may not have low levels, but it was in fact the timing of the test. He told me that for now I probably don't need to worry about the cream or my levels because after they run some test on us they would come up with a treatment plan. "And most of our treatment plans include taking some sort of medication that includes higher doses of progesterone anyways," Dr.Moffitt explained. So for now I am off the progesterone cream I started in October. 

The final part of the consultation was a quick, yet unexpected on my part, physical exam that included a quick look down "there" to make sure everything was where it should be. FUN STUFF! Aren't you jealous? I sat there in my little medical gown and waited for the doctor to come back in. I felt like I was on display. I had Josue in a nice comfy couch next to me, a nurse assistant, and the doctor! All of them just staring at me in my little gown all exposed! I recalled a women in the book Empty Womb, Aching Heart who explained how during her infertility journey she had been poked and prodded so many times in places she used to consider private and that so many years later she still had no baby. A scary thought crossed my mind, "Is that going to be me? Will I go through all of this poking and prodding for nothing." I know I may be in lots of uncomfortable testing situations during this journey, but I am praying it is not in vein. After the quick exam he said everything looked normal and good. Which is always nice to know :) We went into another room to go over our first steps. We need to get Josue check out and makes sure he is working correctly and then I have to do a HSG test. 

Again, "FUN STUFF!" The quick and non graphic way to explain it is it involved dye and an x-ray of my fallopian tubes to make sure they are not blocked.

This link will show tell you the details on that test!

http://www.webmd.com/infertility-and-reproduction/guide/hysterosalpingogram-21590

In conclusion, Dr.Moffitt and his assistant were both very kind and helpful and make you feel as comfortable as you could feel in such an uncomfortable situation. If that makes sense to any of you :) Continue to pray for us. We will be going back for the test in about 2 weeks. Its a tough place to be in, because you don't want anything to be wrong with you, but you also don't want to hear that there is nothing wrong with you and that they don't know why you can't get pregnant. 

Encouragement Through Speaking Out

Can I just say that infertility SUCKS! I have never posted publicly about the fact that Josue and I are struggling with infertility. I have been stressed and emotional about it more than normal this past month. I am sure it has something to do with my turning 25 years old this thursday, the new year arriving, and mostly the fact that This February will be 2 years of trying to conceive. After much thought, I made the decision to put it out there for the world to see and as a result I will grow closer to God and feel peace in my soul. So lets test that theory out shall we? 

You have heard the saying "if you build it they will come" and now I feel like God is saying "if you post it I will release it". Infertility is something that can feel very lonely. Even with the most wonderful and understanding husband in the world, LIKE MINE, you can feel like nobody understands the hopelessness and fear and anger. So now that you all know whats going on with Josue and me, maybe the pain and loneliness at times won't feel so powerful. Maybe I just have to talk about it. Maybe thats my whole purpose in struggling with it...to encourage others to talk about their struggles even when it is uncomfortable. My hope is that this will help build my relationship with God in spite of my circumstances and that it will touch the heart of someone else struggling with "it"...ok I will use the word...infertility. 

Yuck...I don't like that word. It sounds so definite. As if nothing will change about the situation. Well, I won't stand for that! I am currently barren or infertile or whatever word you want to call it, but with Christ I know that it is in His timing and in His will. With that being said, I repeat my previous statement that infertility SUCKS! I want people to know whether Christian or not, I am human and I struggle. But in the midst of it I am becoming stronger and becoming who I am supposed to be in Christ!

This Friday, January 7th 2011, we are going to an infertility specialist. It is kinda of exciting and kind of TERRIFYING. Please be praying for us. We don't know what God's direction for us is as far as the next step, so we need Him to show us what His will is. There will be many options thrown at us I am sure! God, we need your wisdom you know that right? :) 

And to all those who don't know how they feel about God and prayer, please pray for us anyways. Step out in faith. Your prayers are the most powerful because God is just waiting to hear from you! I trust God is good and works all things together for good for those who trust in him! I am a little nervous to post this because I don't know what people will say or will feel, but I here it goes! 

P.S. I am currently reading "Empty Womb, Aching Heart" and it has really been what has inspired me to blog about my journey! I really hope the journey of infertility is almost over and the journey of motherhood can begin. Maybe this will be my last post about infertility or maybe it will be the first of many to come, either way for now I am stepping out to do my part in taking action to find out what God wants for Josue and I. 

I have many feeling and emotions and just stories to share. I hope that I can keep this up! Love you all and thank you for listening to me. I FEEL BETTER ALREADY!

Here is a link to purchase the book if you are interested in reading it. I got it on my iphone with my Kindle App.

http://www.amazon.com/Empty-Womb-Aching-Heart-Infertility/dp/0764224107/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1294210837&sr=8-1